All time Fav...

Phenomenal Woman
by Maya Angelou


Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need for my care.
’Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

That's AMORE..

"One of the greatest moments in anybody's developing experience is when he no longer tries to hide himself but determines to get acquainted with himself as he really is." N.Peale

On one seasonable tuesday night, exactly Decemeber 1, 2009 I was moved. By midnight on December 2, 2009 I had fallen in love. I'd fallen in love with a beautiful girl who I neglected to love from a very young age. It's not that I didnt want to love her I just never knew how to love her. That girl was ME. As stated by my lovely and dear friend Iyana Robertson "what we finally realize, has been there all along." Yes, I've been here all along. And yeah we may say we love ourselves but that's just something we learn to say so all the strange looks can go away and hope that just may be one day we'll wake up and it will actually be true. All semester long another close friend of mine (Yes, that would be you Mr. Doherty) and I pondered on what it meant to love yourself and how exactly does one go about doing such a thing. We met no resolution. Just confused young faces and we would just change the topic (haha ;).
I think the hardest part about loving yourself is that we don't really know why we should and no one ever teaches us how. The truth is we tend to love people because of how they make us feel about ourselves. We may care about them but mostly we love and love and love in the hopes that maybe they'll love us back. Like an epiphany it just all came to me but I can't take all the credit. A man infected with HIV spoke at my school and spoke of some dangerous truths that cut like a knife. I found out on this day that these truths were universal when all along I thought I was all alone. He changed my perspective.

(http://www.scottfried.com/)

Take the bad with the good.
Love yourself. You only need one reason, why not?
Feed your mind.
Nourish your soul with the things that make you happy.
You are not incomplete. No other spirit in this world can make you whole.
You are not broken, you are just a little damaged.
Time won't heal all wounds but perspective can alleviate the pain.
Love yourself.
Give yourself permission to love yourself.
That does not mean obsess. That does not require arrogance.
Love everything about yourself.
Love the you that you really are.
The you that nobody knows.
The you that you hide, the you that you try so hard not to be caught being because its not the you that you claim to be.

Don't look for love. Look inside you. You will find yourself. You will find an attic full of personal supply. You will accept your imperfections and it wont mean that much even when the list goes on and on. You will not feel alone. You will feel complete because indeed you were born complete.

The speaker asked a few questions that I will pose to you..
"Who are you besides the clothes on your back and the shoes on your feet?
The piece of metal in your garage?
Besides your paystub?
Besides the number of friends you have on facebook.
Besides the person people think you are.
Besides the person you have led people to believe you are.
Besides the collection and ideas of others you define yourself with.
WHO ARE YOU?
And can you learn to love that person without all the extra distractions.


I realized I am rich in character and whole in spirit regardless of my possesions or lack there of and regardless of the holes left in me at the sight of so many turned backs.

"The day the girl fell in love with herself."
xoxo <3

Call me crazy. This has become like an online diary. But this is me. This is a message that has changed my life forever.

StepYOURgameUP.

[BigUpBarrelHouse!]

Tupac Amaru Shakur
"What Can I Offer Her?"
The Rose That Grew From Concrete


All of my life I dreamed of meeting one
with immense beauty, and once I found her
I would charm her and she'd be mine
forever
I have found her and indeed she is all
I wished for and more, but she is
not charmed. nor intrigued. Then I
think to myself "What can I offer her?"
The tears warm my eyes and blur my vision
I stick to my stance of bravado
and give her the same uninterested look she gave me.
She was so beautiful
but what can I offer her?

BitterSWEET.Life tastes sO Good.

Allowing myself to love me, damn what a feeling
No longer taking cards, I’m dealing
Never thought the shit would feel so good
Can’t believe I’ve waited so long to try it
Yes I am humbly feeling myself, I’m not trying to deny it
Knowing that I’m broken but understanding that I am still functional
Allowing myself to be open and loving that misery is not a life sentence but is optional
Telling myself that I am beautiful and believing it
No longer waiting for “him” to tell me, this new love I’m feeling it
Better than that late night text
Better than a stranger’s empty sex
Better than being noticed by others
Better than praise from your mother
I’ve given myself the power to love me
I’m so moved by this it is truly a super power
I could cry
I can’t believe how long I’ve denied myself this gift and now I don’t even have to try
Don’t have to try and convince
No longer letting unworthies in only to dismiss
Self love is the best love and I can say I’ve never felt this good about me
Rolling with the punches
Taking the hits
Understanding life is full of disappointments and truly understanding this will provide me a shortcut to bliss
Giving out fractions of myself
Fragments of my heart
And pieces of my mind
Only to walk away empty handed is no longer a lifestyle of mine
Now realizing my worth
Recognizing what I deserve
Although 19 years of its absence may seem long
I understand that I’m still young and can now begin a life of fulfillment instead of just drudging along
A love synonymous with acceptance
Ok with my imperfections
I AM ENOUGH,
Enough for me
Mistakes by the plenty
Lessons in the many
Loving me is the best decision I ever made
Aside from the “me” I pretend to be
Aside from the “me” I allow you to see
Forget rejection, you can’t lose anything you don’t have
Forget the unsolvable equation
The answer is you
You are the square root
Forget feeling empty and alone
We’ve all been there and done that
Forget being broken, we’ve all been hurt
Forget self-pity we’ve all got some dirt
Forget self doubt, somehow we gonna make this shit work
Forget failure it’s just a checkpoint on the road to success
You learn how to love yourself first and without effort you will teach the rest
Do not sell yourself for the notion of love from another
You will find the bids are never high enough
Keep your standards and maintain your grounds
Soon enough the right people will come around
We’re all needy but learn the difference between that and being greedy
Love is a big business
They made you feel like you gotta have it
And unless it’s from another human being it doesn’t count
Reconsider that message, take the love you have for yourself, and learn how to multiply that amount
Hold the judgment and open the doors in your mind, crack open the windows in your heart
This is truly where it starts
Humility, compassion, and vulnerability
Does not make you weak
Live your life with meaning and fuck what they think
I am already Complete, anything else is just complimentary
Loving me daily and loving me truly
In the absence of doubt and skepticism, my love is raw
Call me Oly the Tiger, she finally put Life in perspective, this Life is more than good it's GRREAT!

Look & You Shall Find..

http://barrelhousenyc.blogspot.com/

Nov. 20.2009

. . .

"Get down girl, go 'head get down"

I Allow myself to be misguided by ignorant wisdom
My blinded vision
But yet & still I hear them say
Damn she's an ill bitch
She's an always keep it real bitch
Yo vick, you stay on that deep shit
Nah yo, I'm just one deep bitch
What distinguishes me from them is I don't let trivial things dictate my worth
Meaningless shit validate my hotness
and well she's iight but she's just not this
Supreme character
Coupled with aloe vera-ed nonchalance
Don't get it twisted - I only dance to humble music
I might let a few tag along but I'm my own movement
So don't come at me
You need to come correct
Your tests are no challenge
You serve as no threat
I know your type the best
The real hater bitch
Nothing but Negative Energy bitch
The real pretty but super petty bitch
The type that wouldn't hock spit if there was a fire on my back
Its these simple honorable qualities that you lack
But continue aiming to be a Bad Bitch while I sit back & relax as a Phenomenal Woman
Call me Bill Cosby cause I guess we can't all have the pudding

Go Hard.

Repped like no other
Kept like a brother
Beautiful she is
Raw she keeps it
Only those Oblivious to the world don’t know she is rare
Keen, she is a wise woman
Loyal, her bullets will prove it
Yielding, even she can’t stop you she’s so moving
No place like home she is soothing
She taught me how to do the right thing
She is I and I am her
BROOKLYN, best place on earth
She is to whom I owe my birth.

Corn Makes Me Shit ;-)

She wasn’t impressed by lame dudes with no game
Half hearted attempts with no shame
Considering herself incomparable to any other dame with a name
He gets mad when he tells me he loves me
I know he's only in it for the chase
His so called love I won't embrace
But he doesn’t understand my fury when I tell him “you can't love me when you know me”
So puzzled and confused he wonders “I don’t know you?”
Yes, because never in my mind did I make attempts to show you
See I’m not up for loud dudes who wanna get famous
I’m into cool dudes like: ...
Identities will remain nameless
No longer doing the young boy mentality with futures that are aimless
Momma ain’t raise no sucka
I bet you’d “love” me even more if I were brainless
But that’s life
And the moral of the story goes
I can never be your simple hoe
Your falsely developed love is unwanted
That means I don’t want it
You spit game but the truth I vomit
Head to head games with me, I don't think you want it.
leave you chopped and screwed
Heart broken into pieces, I left the evidence on the floor
just the right amount of temptation with a little bit of thirst got you open
but remember weak minds leave for hearts broken

Down to Mars

NO. Actually it turns out that I don't want to be sexy all the live long day
That in fact this culture of misogyny makes it harder to walk away
Its always lust at first glance
So love is never given a chance
I merely want to be human
I simply want to relate
Hoping that one day these airheads will deflate
I'm tired of being surrounded by people who lack substance
Drowning in 3 inch puddles of conceit
You're dealing with a girl whose depth runs longer than ocean feet
Silly these games people play
Doing whatever it takes to be noticed
Not a single beat skipped
Not a single delay
Content with vanity
What has happened to humanity?
petty habits become such pitiful life cycles
Shallow love leaving bitter tastes
Superficial dreams leading to a life's waste
Material things are all they aspire
Nothing of meaning do they seek to acquire
Boys growing up with only 2 options; money or hoes
They treat this life like the matrix and my mind it blows
Young girls conditioned to believe that their body is the only tool they will ever have to succeed
This is the foolishness that they feed
The type of bullshit we don't need
Malnourishing the seeds
Contradictions and chaos is what we breed
What has this world come to?
Better yet, where is it going?
Never mind; I take that back
Its much easier not knowing
Since "Real" is only relative
and perspective is everything
Let's keep it what we can
Let's keep it HU-man.

"Who's Gonna Save My Soul"

21st century CRACK. Gnarles Barkley gets 'nuff Respect for this Project.





Girl: I need space. I need the time to just figure out who I am
Ya know…and It’s not you. It’s totally not you… It’s me and the timing of it. I’m trying to find out who I am. And I can’t really do that If Im still trying to figure out who you are at the same time. [MY COMMENT: For the love of all that is Real that's not always a lie! No less grimmey, but still not full blown fibbery.]
Boy: (To waitress) Can I get an extra plate please.
Girl: I feel like we gave it a really good go…ya know…but it’s time for us to just move on.
Boy: For you. (as he pushes his heart on a plate to her)
Girl: You do realize I’m breaking up with you right.
Boy: That’s the strange thing. It’s actually yours now. I don’t know why it works this way, but Im never going to be able to get over you and so from now on every girl I meet will be meticoulsy compared to you and unfortuntaley none of them will be able to measure up to the false memory of what you and I once had [MY COMMENT: "False memory of what you and I once had." That one hits me like a ton of bricks everytime.]
Girl: Well maybe I can just keep it for a little while and use it for small things like when I’ve had a really shity day or I need someone to talk to or if I need someone to move something really
heavy and then eventually I’ll give it back to you when we both find someone new.
Boy: Unfortunately it wont work that way.
Girl: Why not?
Boy: Well now that you have my heart Im pretty much an empty cavity inside. For lack of a better term “heartless” I will now treat each wo[MAN] with a passive aggressive contensiousness that will ruin relationship after relationship for many years to come [COMMENT: Wake up People! Are you reading this? ]
Girl: I really treasure you friendship so much…hello…are you even listening to me?
Boy: No.

In many ways I am already the girl I want to be.
The woman I've strived to be.
Consumed with Pride && Fierce in Stride.
I hold myself High.
I am that girl who DREAMS.

It's really all that we have left.

Quote of the month..

HellOo & early welcome to October..
“Disappointment is the meal of a fool. Only a wise man knows to consume a diet free of expectation.” -Veritas <3

Quote of the Month

My new thing..HellOo September..
“My spirit runs deep. I have caves and tunnels that run miles and miles through mud and dirt. Hidden stair cases and trick passageways that lead to an empty cavity.” -Veritas <3

Plea Bargain

I don’t believe in love
But I believe in society’s obsession
A cycle of Compulsion and Rejection
Love it’s kind of like santa clause
No one believes it but what fun is it not to play along with myth
Like Christmas, it’s not our birthdays but we are still willing to accept a gift
It’s kind of like faith
I don’t see it
And I can’t touch it
But there is comfort in its pretense
Love is an entity
And it is all around
But if so why do I always keep one foot on the ground
I believe in euphoric highs brought on by a touch
By a look, by a scent, by a rush
Triggered by unnecessary promise, sweet words & temporary devotion
See I could be thinking of anything else in the world Love
And how I would be willing to embrace your true form despite the wrapping of the gift
It’s you I would sacrifice my heart for
But then again it is you I dismiss
I despise you love
Don’t know why you misguide me love
I can’t see why you and my pride can never get along
Can’t see why the feelings of mistrust are so strong
It is because they have run your name in the dirt
Claiming to be you
And counterfeiting your beauty
They claim that they want me but don’t care when they lose me
So why love?
Why can’t you strip away my pride love?
Why when I encounter your bootleggers do I not call their bluff
It’s because life is rough and the more I know the colder it gets
Each realization leading to a drop in temperature
Condemned in isolation because you keep avoiding me
Why love, cant you take the time to notice me
Why won’t you help me see
Love.
Why love won't you come to me ?
Even just a grain of you could help alleviate the pain brought by you
Lighting up souls like glistening waters under a moon
Why won’t you love me love, if not now then soon

A few words..

Hey All..Not that I believe I am kept up with on a regular basis but this will clearly be only a monthly thing. Peace.Love & Respect for all that support.

SHOUTS.
To Iyana once again. Ashani for your love & support. && Tiffany for being the godmother of my work. -Veritas <3

My Favorite.."Maintain the Madness"

It’s a crazy thing when you have found comfort in your loneliness,
Peace in your isolation,
and are minimally phased by the rancid company of constant disappointment
accustomed to things that you shouldn’t be
nostalgia;
a bitter sweet longing for those things of the past
those sweet things that became bitter things that you knew would never last
when you have built tolerance for the ignorant
and expect the illogical
when people say things and it’s become second nature for me to pretend as if I follow you
when your mind has become remarkably chaotic but you love it
and your heart broken into so many little pieces you wonder if you will need a microscope to see the fragments
when there is nothing left to tear down except these brick walls built by the labor of pain
effortlessly growing taller and wider in the absence of shame
when all we know are these childish games
no more room on this earth for the sane
when I can’t let anyone else in because I can’t find the key
and regardless don’t want anyone to see the poverty and malnourishment my soul has experienced
its crazy when others want to see what does not yet exist
and when you’ve become too proud to be human
is this evidence of growth when the ills of society can no longer move me
because nothing but false hope has ever consumed me
----Veritas <3

sour sunset

Cool
Feels like a cool breeze
A soft sunset
The tingle of love
Like fighting gravity
Nothing is beating this high
He wants to touch the sky
&& he was too selfish to see that I too wanted to fly
Hand in hand
Cheek to cheek
My heart is still pumping
Just now to its own beat
Pumped pumped & away
I’ve rolled dolo for 18 years and a day
Leave it all alone
Let it go a stray
My love is no more
We’ve both departed
Love dissolved
Now I skip happily through puddles of sorrow
Dreaming of a better tomorrow
-Sour Sunset. 1.21.09

Drenched

Thoughts, Thoughts. & Thoughts
Mind Consuming thoughts
Of the love of the future
The pain of the past
The Depth of present
Swayed by both ends unable to soak
All I want to do is SOAK
SOAK this present day
This present moment
Absorbed by Peace.
-Drenched. 1.21.09

Unsolvable Equations

The thing is all I ever want is for shit to go right
And regardless of what my reality is showing me I know that can’t be so wrong
We barely know each other but time has made it harder for us to get along
See I’ve established rules and regulations, boundaries that I’ve set
Ones you can’t seem to get straight so you remain on probation
Now before flattery gets the best of you
Let me clearly state this is more about me and less about you
You are just a variable in what’s becoming an unsolvable equation
And the more complex it becomes the more crippled are the possibilities of relation
Now I’m not so concerned with any skeletons in your closet
Nor the presidents in your wallet
I’m good with the flesh that stands before me Im genuinely trying to get to know you
But a little disrespect and the pressure from the past has me exploding
And I’m not hard pressed to show you
So I repress these thoughts that adorn me
When you decide not to express yours & the next best option is to ignore me
I’m not gonna fight you for information if you wanted me to know you would tell
I’m not up for games although I know them quite well
See I don’t know what you take me as or understand the intelligence that you think I have
just be real and if all you want is to get in my pants then let it be known but the consequence is that you’ll be alone
You have to take a journey through me
Explore me from head to toe
You have to make it past my brain before you try and steal my heart and I don’t know if you noticed my fun betty runs a tight ship from the start
So if all you want is to do me that’s fine and well and I respect that but there are other parts of the package and there’s no way my conscious will allow you to neglect that
I can’t be nothing but me, nothing but real and you claim to be the same way so give me something I can feel
I’m so tired of the games, the lames and the shit so many think I would fall for it’s a damn shame
But I see my exhaustion is not enough to rid me of the garbage, its not my call to make
By you omitting the truth in my eyes that makes you fake
You don’t have to defend me, spend on me or pretend to be that much interested in me if you’re not
All I really need is your respect but I guess not

A Love Disposition

I don’t need love
Look what love has done to me
Inventing excuse after excuse hoping each variable of these never ending equations will lead me to the right answer
Who am I to love you when in fact I have never truly loved my self
What a fool of me to ever expect an emptiness to be fulfilled by a stranger
Such an unsettling thought to know I give away more than I have ever given myself
So easy for me to care for you but taking a shot of self-acceptance I have never dared
Approaching the truth it is a route I have always avoided
All along the love for myself has been voided
Giving out my heart, my truth, my honesty over time to eager strangers
Leaving a vital organ on life support, lingering in danger

Brief Thank You..

To little miss Iyana who encouraged me to share my thoughts with the world. ILY Girl <3