My Favorite.."Maintain the Madness"

It’s a crazy thing when you have found comfort in your loneliness,
Peace in your isolation,
and are minimally phased by the rancid company of constant disappointment
accustomed to things that you shouldn’t be
nostalgia;
a bitter sweet longing for those things of the past
those sweet things that became bitter things that you knew would never last
when you have built tolerance for the ignorant
and expect the illogical
when people say things and it’s become second nature for me to pretend as if I follow you
when your mind has become remarkably chaotic but you love it
and your heart broken into so many little pieces you wonder if you will need a microscope to see the fragments
when there is nothing left to tear down except these brick walls built by the labor of pain
effortlessly growing taller and wider in the absence of shame
when all we know are these childish games
no more room on this earth for the sane
when I can’t let anyone else in because I can’t find the key
and regardless don’t want anyone to see the poverty and malnourishment my soul has experienced
its crazy when others want to see what does not yet exist
and when you’ve become too proud to be human
is this evidence of growth when the ills of society can no longer move me
because nothing but false hope has ever consumed me
----Veritas <3

sour sunset

Cool
Feels like a cool breeze
A soft sunset
The tingle of love
Like fighting gravity
Nothing is beating this high
He wants to touch the sky
&& he was too selfish to see that I too wanted to fly
Hand in hand
Cheek to cheek
My heart is still pumping
Just now to its own beat
Pumped pumped & away
I’ve rolled dolo for 18 years and a day
Leave it all alone
Let it go a stray
My love is no more
We’ve both departed
Love dissolved
Now I skip happily through puddles of sorrow
Dreaming of a better tomorrow
-Sour Sunset. 1.21.09

Drenched

Thoughts, Thoughts. & Thoughts
Mind Consuming thoughts
Of the love of the future
The pain of the past
The Depth of present
Swayed by both ends unable to soak
All I want to do is SOAK
SOAK this present day
This present moment
Absorbed by Peace.
-Drenched. 1.21.09

Unsolvable Equations

The thing is all I ever want is for shit to go right
And regardless of what my reality is showing me I know that can’t be so wrong
We barely know each other but time has made it harder for us to get along
See I’ve established rules and regulations, boundaries that I’ve set
Ones you can’t seem to get straight so you remain on probation
Now before flattery gets the best of you
Let me clearly state this is more about me and less about you
You are just a variable in what’s becoming an unsolvable equation
And the more complex it becomes the more crippled are the possibilities of relation
Now I’m not so concerned with any skeletons in your closet
Nor the presidents in your wallet
I’m good with the flesh that stands before me Im genuinely trying to get to know you
But a little disrespect and the pressure from the past has me exploding
And I’m not hard pressed to show you
So I repress these thoughts that adorn me
When you decide not to express yours & the next best option is to ignore me
I’m not gonna fight you for information if you wanted me to know you would tell
I’m not up for games although I know them quite well
See I don’t know what you take me as or understand the intelligence that you think I have
just be real and if all you want is to get in my pants then let it be known but the consequence is that you’ll be alone
You have to take a journey through me
Explore me from head to toe
You have to make it past my brain before you try and steal my heart and I don’t know if you noticed my fun betty runs a tight ship from the start
So if all you want is to do me that’s fine and well and I respect that but there are other parts of the package and there’s no way my conscious will allow you to neglect that
I can’t be nothing but me, nothing but real and you claim to be the same way so give me something I can feel
I’m so tired of the games, the lames and the shit so many think I would fall for it’s a damn shame
But I see my exhaustion is not enough to rid me of the garbage, its not my call to make
By you omitting the truth in my eyes that makes you fake
You don’t have to defend me, spend on me or pretend to be that much interested in me if you’re not
All I really need is your respect but I guess not

A Love Disposition

I don’t need love
Look what love has done to me
Inventing excuse after excuse hoping each variable of these never ending equations will lead me to the right answer
Who am I to love you when in fact I have never truly loved my self
What a fool of me to ever expect an emptiness to be fulfilled by a stranger
Such an unsettling thought to know I give away more than I have ever given myself
So easy for me to care for you but taking a shot of self-acceptance I have never dared
Approaching the truth it is a route I have always avoided
All along the love for myself has been voided
Giving out my heart, my truth, my honesty over time to eager strangers
Leaving a vital organ on life support, lingering in danger

Brief Thank You..

To little miss Iyana who encouraged me to share my thoughts with the world. ILY Girl <3